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For the past several days, I have tore at my clothes, beaten my chest and wailed out to God for justice. Then I went on my knees in silent prayer, my spirit reaching out in so much pain and confusion. It is at this state that God came to me.
God: Why are you going back and forth my child?
Me: I am afraid I do not understand you, God.
God: This fluttering of your faith, from hero to zero and back.
Me: Then you heard the murmurings of my heart and the groans of my soul?
God: I am not deaf you know. Although there are millions of voices every second of the minute, crying out to me, I can still distinguish your call to me.
Me: Things are happening, bad things to innocent people. Good things to bad people. Things I cannot comprehend, all beyond my understanding.
God: What does that mean to you?
Me: Everything is meaningless. My wisdom, my pleasures, my toil! All are meaningless when with much wisdom comes much sorrow and grief.
God: Do you think I am testing you?
Me: I have denied injustice and fled from corrupted minds. I abhor wickedness and lies. But what do I see? I saw oppression: tears of the oppressed, crying out for a comforter.
God: Isn’t that the duty of man, to fear God and keep his commandments?
Me: To keep your commandments though my misery weighs heavily upon me?
God: I have made mankind just, but men have gone in search of many schemes. Just like what you are seeing now. No riches, power, authority is enough for men.
Me: Then why are you allowing it?
God: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
Me: So this is the time for me to weep and mourn? And time for them to kill trust and to tear down peace? This burden is too great to bear. People have asked me to curse God and die! People cannot understand this evil that is under the sun. Cannot understand why you are not doing anything?
God: Shall you accept only good from me and not trouble?
Me: This trouble is destroying my nation. It is causing people to lose hope and faith.
God: Everything I do will endure forever. No man can add anything to it and man can take nothing from it.
Me: Does it means that you are in control of things, in other words allowing things to happen because it has to happen?
God: Yes, do not be fear and do not be dismayed for I am with you. I hear your cries. I will help you. Do not take revenge into your hands, for vengeance is mine.
Me: God, your one day is like a thousand years… it is just too much for us to wait!
God: Patience, my child, patience. While you wait, continue to love, and hope and have faith.
(reference: Job & Ecclesiastes)
This weekend I baked some muffins for J’s children, hazelnut chocolate muffins and strawberry muffins.
J, my primary school classmate, who now lives in Melbourne is back for visit. I took her and her family to check out (read: eat & drink) some famous Ipoh food; ‘Lao Wong chicken, taugeh & sar hor fun’ and ‘Funny Mountain soya bean drink’.
But before that, they were treated to peng’s delicious muffins!
Hazelnut chocolate muffin
Strawberry muffin
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